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Productivity, all-consuming and ever-present, took a backseat to Peace, Philosophy, and the Ponderings of them both. I sat at Crossroads, engrossed in yet another assignment on yet another stale page of large words and thick thoughts, it hadn’t occurred to me then, or for quite some time, the level of spiritual neglect I had been living with. My optimism, my love for every nuance of this earth had seemed so intrinsic when I had been aware of it. It was hard to imagine going for a walk without stopping to observe a dandelion growing out of cement or the smell of barbeque sauce from my neighborhood soul food restaurant. If I could trace when my day turned into a to do list, I’d know not to make that mistake again. These past few months I’d been living without my soul. How can such a thing go missing?
It returned, however, with an unexpected nibble. My friend Crystal waved me down from the next table and informed me that there was a mouse under my table. The café was full, but not busy, and all of its patrons stopped to see this mouse, watch its every move. I tried to tilt my head to see where he was, but all I could see was a blob of gray blended into the shadow of the table legs. I didn’t want to hurt him by moving the chair or the table, although the women across from me insisted that I should run for the hills screaming. The three of them placed their feet onto nearby chairs, squealing and shivering at the thought of our café mouse.
That’s when I looked down again, and he was looking up at me, slightly confused but also a tad curious. He was a grey brown shade; the color of three day old snow on the side of the road. We stared at one another for an extended moment, and I whispered to him, “Be proud, buddy. You own this room.”
It wasn’t until the crossroads staff kicked us all out for 20 minutes, when I really thought about what had just happened. A creature smaller than a cell phone managed to evacuate a café. We witness car wrecks, murders and war on a daily basis without flinching and yet, the humble mouse literally moved us all. I say this not to glorify our furry friend, or to condemn crossroads. He was hungry and the café is easily accessible. These things happen. What astonished me is our detachment from those who we are supposed to co-exist. How did he manage to frighten those ladies so terribly?
As I was leaving, I felt a pang of guilt. I should have tried to scoop him up and release him outside. He would have never gone along with it, and I would have probably been banished from crossroads for the rest of my college career. Before I left the café, I heard the word “trap”. I understand that they have a job to do, and a health certificate to keep, but I hope that mouse got away or at the very least, gave them a hell of a chase.
Good luck, little buddy. It was nice seeing you today.Nisi is...:  calm |
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Sep. 5th, 2006 @ 12:40 pm
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And somehow, sitting down with a cigarette and listening to Tangled Up In Blue makes it all better.
And no, I still haven't left the house.Nisi is...: eased musica: oh, Bob |
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my ONE day off, and here is what I'm stuck doing....
Go all the way to the fucking sunset to deliver our rent check.
Stop in at washington mutual to cash one of my roommates checks (since bank of america wants to hold it till the 11th.
Bug my other roommate about giving me another wamu check for rent and bills.
Go to campus to visit a professor, because she doesn't belive in email OR phones. How do they get away with this shit? I understand she has alot of students...but try to cut off all communication at any other job. See how quick you get fired.
Deposit my check, other assorted moneys, at BofA.
Hit up a drug store for makeup (at this point, I may as well go to a sherwin williams to cover up my face. Every time I'm on the rag, the hormonalness gets worse and worse and my skin turns into a game of connect the dots. Silly me for thinking this shit would clear up once I grew up and went to college. I should also find some crap to keep my hair in line, or else I'll chop this housewife do into the dykey haircut it so misses. I WILL GROW OUT MY HAIR IF ITS THE LAST THING I EVER DO.
Pay the obligatory visit to a friend who broke up with his girlfriend.
Speaking of hormonal-ness. I probably should set up an appointment at Kaiser to get on the pill.
Go to the DMV to get California residency. Yes, I still haven't done that.
Make an attempt to clean my room. It's not going to happen, but I can pretend, right?
Avoid my mom's calls, because every time we talk it's twenty five minutes of her bitching, then going on about how "I shouldn't worry...things aren't that bad." when I tell her I have to get going, causing another five minutes of her talking. Meanwhile, she has NO idea about anything that I'm going through.
Hopefully...tonight I will be able to reward myself with beer and a bowl at Gold Cane.Nisi is...:  gloomy musica: ben harper- by my side |
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A few things I am absolutely loving at the moment
$3 watermelon margaritas at the lush lounge
my new laptop. So light. So shiny. So on sale.
The guy I'm working for at my african american theatre internship. Former hotel guy. We debated over restaurants in Chinatown instead of interviewing.
Season 3 of Arrested Development.
That strawberries and cream diet pepsi stuff. It sounds godawful but I've already downed two twenty ounces.
William Blake.
The previews for The Science of Sleep
DHL for delivering us three green bottles from Amsterdam.
My new praying mantis. The maintenance guy found her outside a window. What should I name her?Nisi is...:  chipper |
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My boss got on my case earlier about not having a boyfriend. I told her that I don't even have time to masturbate, let alone maintain some kind of relationship. I mean, in the odd occasions when I do have somebody that I regularly hang out with/sleep with, I like to give the courtship the attention it deserves.
Every woman in this city goes on about how hard it is to find a guy. Sometimes it feels like an excuse, but the more I think about it, it really is true. This is a city of beautiful, confident, down to earth, motivated women, many of which hold impressive jobs and lead independant lives.
Here's where the kicker comes in,
The hypocrisy of San Francisco men! By default, the ones you want to deal with are the liberals. They listen to NPR, they buy organic. Get a drink in them and they will go on about how they are only attracted to women with the qualities that I mentioned earlier. And you think, Wow, gender equality is actually going to happen. Strong women aren't scary anymore! They're sexy! But then you meet these guys' girlfriends, or the girls that they pine after. Dumbass, needy, $800-four-inch-heel-wearing bitches who wine and dine and live off of Daddy's allowances until they snag a husband. Marina girls and granola guys, a disturbingly common pairing.
Alas, there is hope. I remember when I went to college, I was transfixed by these guys. I wanted to build a cozy nest in their facial hair and curl up with the Chomsky reader. I've had plenty of opportunities to talk with them and nine times out of ten, I'm bored to shit.
Maybe it's because I can't get a word in.
Or maybe it's because everything they have to say I've already heard.
Or maybe I'm just tired of hearing about their every achievement as if we were conducting a job interview.
The good conversations....those have been with the average Joes. The guys with jobs downtown and button down shirts. They are clean and simply dressed, unlike the thousands of hipster motherfuckers that strive for individuality, but are really just a dime a dozen. These are the guys who offer to buy me a beer and ask how my day was. These are the guys who actually volunteer for a cause, but downplay their involvement. They end up having my same interests and love for all things random, but they have the maturity to act out their lifestyle and not just wear it like a protest button.
Next time one of them hails me a cab to ensure that I get home safety, I'll invite them back with me.Nisi is...:  listless |
| » dreams of detox |
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I've been looking like shit lately-
I'm tired of my clothing- especially my work clothing. I am just NOT meant to wear button down shirts, but my sexsay blazer gets way too hot to wear behind the desk. PLUS- it's getting a little tight. I wouldn't be surprised if I've gained a few pounds with all the fucking beer I've been drinking.
My skin has been an absolute mess.
I need to get my brows waxed, but I can't afford that till Saturday. I've been plucking here and there, but tweezers alone cannot handle such a massive project.
I am determined to grow my hair out. Nothing too long, but I'd like to do a ponytail now and then. This, of course, means a horrible outgrowth period where my hair texture does not allow anything less than housewife hair. I'm just now entering that period.
At least my nails look pretty. Thank jeebus for that.
I think I'll wake up tomorrow morning at 5:30 to shave my legs. A dress always makes me feel better.
Anyone else feel this way?
Aug. 14th, 2006 @ 10:03 pm
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| » The budless summer.... |
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So apparently there is no ganja to be found ANYWHERE in the bay area. Let the epidemic begin. We tried to call our delivery guy but he wasn't able to get anything for us. I wouldn't have taken it personally were he not so damn cute.
My roommate and I went for a pub crawl in yuppieville.
We met the Mayor. At first he denied that he was the Mayor, but then he showed us his I.D.
Such a charming bastard. Oh, Newsom.
Then I got kidnapped by a gang of Irish people and we ended up drinking till closing. Somehow, someway, there was a bus home.
Today is my Monday at work. I'm bored. Classes need to start. Like now.
Also- ever since my mom started dating the 36 year old...she has no time for me. At least she doesn't know that I've been fucking around with a 36 year old. Although, I think it's an odder reality for me than it is her. She always told me the older the better.
Aug. 12th, 2006 @ 04:35 pm
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| » this trail mix will kill me, undoubtedly |
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I need to get over to Trader Joes, I'm out of groceries like a mofo.
Got back from L.A. this afternoon, headed straight to work.
Highlights of my trip:
*Snuck into the Mission Inn in Riverside. The most beautiful place I've ever seen. Spanish architecture, perfect landscaping, lofty rooms. Rates aren't too horrible. You can get a basic room and spend most of your time outside swishing around in a ball gown.
*On the bus ride back, heading down Alameda, the Elliott Smith song of the same name came (mad rhyming skillz!) on my ipod.
*Also went up to Lake Arrowhead and Big Bear. Beautiful. Hard to believe it can snow so close to L.A., but apparently it's the little town of christmas. I made friends with this fat squirrel that looked like my old guinea pig Chip. He ate an entire snickerdoodle.
*Finally saw King Kong, holy shit, what a beautiful movie.
*Spent time with the new, and very cool, family members. I'd only met most of them once, but they remembered everything about me. Sure enough, I had a mini birthday party wating for me at my cousin Anthony's house, which is beautiful, gigantic, and blessed with a giant pool and waterslide.
*My mom's boytoy is actually pretty cool. He's sarcastic, has a decent amount of money, and good looking. He is also her own personal bitch. Good for her.
And here's what sucked:
*greyhound, but that was to be expected. Getting in was okay. This 11 year old kid ended up sleeping on my shoulder. I got paranoid that he attempted to cop a feel, but it may have been an accident. Either way, yikes. Leaving L.A. was a nightmare, although if you're looking for cheap crack, just wait outside the terminal for 30 seconds. BTW, they don't take no for an answer. I told a guy I was going to put my cigarette out in his eye if he didn't leave me alone. Then he asked me for a cigarette.
*SO FUCKING HOT OH MY FUCKING GOD. Every day it was over a hundred. On Saturday it was 115 degrees.
*Although I said I liked her boyfriend, I did not like my mom talking about him every five minutes, and insisting that he joined us for every little thing. This was *my* trip, pout.
*Traffic. And getting lost everywhere we went.
*My mom's spare air mattress, which is about three feet high and tips over very easily. I woke up one morning on top of her coffee table, wondering what went wrong. (oooo, 4 w's)
Jul. 23rd, 2006 @ 07:31 pm
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| » a poor woman's kerouac |
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After a few failed attempts to get a ride with quasi strangers (friends of friends) I realized that an actual car to Los Angeles is just too damn swank for me.
I'm takin the BUS!
Go greyhound!
At least I found a different overnight bus, 11 hours from SF to Riverside. Apparently my mom lives 4 blocks away from the riverside station. So that's good news. I have a strange feeling they have a surprise birthday party in the works. The clever part of me wants to call them out, but then nice Nisi (nicey?) will probably act surprised. I'll practice a look of shock and giggles on the bus.
This will now be my third time in the HelLA vicinity, aka, Orange County. Funny thing is, I haven't seen the actual city, unless you count being lost in Compton with James whilst blasting NWA. Oh that was a fun night. I don't even know what people DO in L.A.. All I really want is to eat at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles and check out UCLA (which would probably take a week) to see if I want to go there for grad school. Might as well go to Santa Monica afterwards, because that's where all the cool kids are apparently.
oh yeah. I'm also meeting my Mom's 36 year old boyfriend while there. I've already exhausted my How Stella Got Her Groove Back joke arsenal.
Jul. 19th, 2006 @ 04:39 pm
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| » SUGGEST A FRIEND! |
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Holy shit, was that just a tumbleweed?
I'm already bored here....while I'm sure I will have some ongoing comment sprawls with the old lady ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) beanzy, I need to find something to do while I'm here.
So do you have friends that I may also want to be friends with? Or how about groups? White trash moms who take semi-naked photos with their kids in the background? I like those.
I've been busy. Went to see Wordplay with Danielle after an invigorating (and vegan) meal at Frjtz.. I guess that was on Friday. Saturday I worked for part of the day, then went to Ashley's 21st bday dinner at Trader Vics, then off to a bonfire with a few of the guys I work with. First time hanging out with them, hope it isn't the last.
Long and slow night here at the hotel. Tomorrow should be the same.
Nine days now, till I turn 21. Nothing else seems to matter, the days ahead don't have purpose or promise. All that will matter to me is post work drinks at fly.
I'm thinking I'll do a Haight st brewery tour. I want something simple, that would be accessible to everyone. I thought about doing the hipster mission thing, but I've already been to a bunch of those bars. With all the time I've spent there in my college career, most of the bars on haight are still a mystery. Well, except for Gold Cane.
Any SF people want to join in on the birthday festivities? You buy me a beer, I'll give you a smooch. Very few get to see sloppy! drunk! slutty! Nisi!
Jul. 16th, 2006 @ 08:52 pm
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| » I left out the stuff I hope my future kids will never see. |
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So, Lauren and Eric are having their European adventures...I'm, uh, working 40 hrs a week and keeping the golden gate park hippies in business.
We all can't have such a glamorous summer. So I figured I'd share some pictures.
Oh yeah, and did I mention that I AM NOW BLONDE.
( a few assorted pictures capturing this summer's madness )
Okay, now off to watch Italy win the world cup.
Jul. 9th, 2006 @ 09:20 am
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| » gas guzzling, hot dog eating, lets watch explosions in the sky day! |
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It's 10am, my shift started at 7am. I have seen two guests so far. Ever since we started doing construction at the hotel, this place has turned into a ghost town. The managers are enjoying their holiday and I'm enjoying the last two weeks of "oh no they didn't" because I cannot handle anything more stimulating than celebrity gossip and nip slips after working back to back shifts.
I'm considering a triumphant return to livejournal after a two month affair with consumating.com . It just stopped being funny. Although I think I will crash their prom. Nothing better than drinking with internet hipsters without a cover charge.
Been reading alot- some of the gems I've encountered:
King Dork by Frank Portman (aka, the new anti-catcher in the rye)
This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes
And I finally got into David Sedaris.
Other news. My hair is freakishly short. And blonde. Pictures of uberdyke nisi and her shenanigans to come, undoubtedly.
Jul. 4th, 2006 @ 09:46 am
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| » Dead bees in the windowsill |
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Things I Did Today
Worked. 7-3. Went wonderfully quick.
studied at cafe abir.
bought both the nation and high times.
Came to the realization that I'm too damn hip for my own good.
Bought a six pack of stella for $5.99
Had a lovely chinese dinner with Lil Dot
Went to a Queer Alliance Meeting
Banged on Eric's door. Wasn't allowed access. Still trying to sneak my way in to get supplies for the evening.
Drank four cups of coffee like substances.
Got my tax check.
Waited at Bank of America for thirty minutes to cash said check.
In front of an epileptic homeless man who kept on doing this tap dance thing.
Got my heel stuck in a vent.
Mar. 1st, 2006 @ 09:33 pm
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| » good day sunshine |
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Let's just take a moment to appreciate this morning-
I woke up five minutes before my alarm clock went off, wandered around the house with my morning cigarettes, showered while singing "Tear You Apart", made some awesome costa rican organic coffee, made some toast, listened to music and made fun of Eric. All before 10am.
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 09:40 am
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| » Eric's hair, my chubby-chic fashion sense and work work work |
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For those of you who haven't seen Eric's hair-
Here's one of the few photos that he will allow into circulation. He's going for a shock and awe campaign, I suppose. I'm just realizing how hideous my pajama taste is. Honestly! A brown hoodie, no bra and white, pink and green polka dot jammie pants?
This brings me to another point. Something that is kind of flattering, creepy and confusing at the same time. About my fashion sense. I had to find this out while overhearing these two girls at crossroads. Apparently I am the fashion icon for the USF chubby girl delegation. The two girls were talking about trying to find cute, original stuff in their sizes. Here's how the convo went-
Girl one- do you know Nisi?
Girl two- no, but my friend knows her. Always has on something awesome.
Girl one- I had a class with her last semester. I don't know how she does it, I keep on looking and I can't ever find stuff like that in my size, and we're about the same.
I don't remember having a class with this girl! The fact that people who I don't know are having a conversation about me is realllly unsettling but slightly cool. Am I well known? Well liked? I haven't thought about shit like that since high school, but lately it's consuming my superficial mind!
But, in more important news- Becky and I decided (because we now make all decisions together) that I should take up Yoga. I was thinking Funky Door, but it got a few nasty yelp reviews. Mission yoga is amazing apparently, but a little too expensive and a little too hip for me to be parading around in lycra and falling on my ass during a downfacing dog. any suggestions?
This week feels out of control. And the hard part is about to begin. This is my last week of working full time, and I'm going out with a bang.
Tonight- Work till 11
Thursday- class from 10-2:30
work from 3-11
Friday- Class from 1-5
Saturday- work 10-6
Sunday- work 10-6
Now that I write it down, it actually doesn't look that bad!
Feb. 8th, 2006 @ 08:15 pm
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| » how do people sleep in our hotel? |
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Last night was definitely one of my more interesting experiences.
I'll set the scene. I'm all yuppied out at my four star botique hotel. It's 3:30, I just started my shift. A mangy guru looking guy enters the hotel looking confused and holding a sign that says "6'7 freestyling Jew will heal 4 U." As he has been trained, the bellman immediately swoops in on homeless patrol. But I step in and say "he's with me". Weird glances all around.
Apparently I am now connected to thousands of people spread across the world, because apparently my new friend Te Devan is of bushman fame. Only not quite so homeless, and believed to possess powers more magical than shrubbery shaking. Very interesting guy. Amazing energy. You get within a foot of him and you can just feel it. After my shift, I went up to his room for a healing. There was definitely something, what it was I'll never know. Such is the power of all that ancient chinese shit. I slipped into a deep meditation, the best session I had ever had since I began doing it once a week about three years ago. I always have breathing issues with meditation, but last night I lost track of it. As far as the healing goes, I could feel something being drawn away, some kind of force leaving my body.
So I've been informed that I'm a pain in the ass to penitrate. (har har) Too many layers, too much shit that happened to me. Afterwards he said that I'm very spongey and I need to be wrung out. I agree. Other than that, I didn't ask much. I get the feeling everyone asks him what their energy is like and the color of their aura and all that bullshit. I know better. He does what he does because he can, and it would go against the philosophy and act of healing if he started making conclusions.
Nice conversation afterwards- tipping and ex girlfriends and sunrises and ghosts and affairs. Then I had to do the walk of shame through the hotel to get breakfast. Any day I'm actually working, I can't track down any of these motherfuckers. The morning I'm all dishevelled and looking like a whore is when they're crawling around the damn place- "NISI! What are *you* doing here?" I can't wait till I quit.
Feb. 2nd, 2006 @ 09:30 am
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| » A happy post |
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Before January ends, as it is about to in thirteen minutes.
Good things have been happening. I am taking this moment to appreciate them.
So, here's to-
Listening, really listening, to beatles songs for the first time in a while
Buying things I would normally put back on the shelf at Sephora
Good friends, and the laughs that always follow
My new cubs hat. Finally!
Going to protests- I went to the State of the Union rally. The protest was weak sauce, but I hadn't been to one in a while.
Meeting new, exciting people.
Quitting my job tomorrow!
Jan. 31st, 2006 @ 11:47 pm
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| » Undeniable and unchanging truths about moi |
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It's been a thoughtful night. Here are some of the finer points-
*I should not bother to paint my nails. They will be chipped to shit after a day. And then I will be too lazy to change the polish for another week. Now logically, we would think that it would all be off at that point. But oh no. The leftover nailpolish is always the most resiliant.
*If I have a daugher, and if she gets pregnant at a stupid age, I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to be all happy and supportive.
*Take care of your teeth kids. If you don't, you'll end up a whiny, cranky toothless bitch like myself.
*I will wear a cute bra until it evaporates. Underwire stabbing the shit out of me is not grounds for throwing out.
*If I hear a song I like in a commercial, I will stop listening to it.
*In regards to my plans of being the next great american novelist- if I am living my life for and around this idea, why is it that I never write? Am I afraid of putting something mundane down? Do I not enjoy it? Am I just waiting for that divine moment? Or am I just busy?
Jan. 30th, 2006 @ 12:01 am
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| » WERE ALL GETTING OLD AND THE WORLD IS GOING TO END |
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A timeline of the NYE scramble
11:25pm, Nisi gets home from an awful day at the hotel.
11:34pm, she busts out a cuban, asks james if he wants to go to alamo square for a quiet night of fireworks
11:46pm, James, Eric, Nisi, Anders, Jake and Dani all run around frantically getting dressed, drunk and high before the clock strikes 12.
11:56pm, WE GET TO ALAMO SQUARE!
( 2006, and we've already fucked it up... )
Hope you all had a safe and lovely New Years. I already called in sick to work. Which is stupid. I could be getting paid double. Alas, some things are more important than money.
Jan. 1st, 2006 @ 12:09 pm
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| » The best blog I have ever written....or wrote. |
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Gooooodbye blue sky! Goodbye blue sky, gooodbye!
Such a glorious day, and I'm not sure why. I have to be at work soon. But I figured I'd blog because I so rarely write anything in here when I'm happy. My inner angsty teen only blogs at uncharacteristic mood swings- alone and in need of martyrdom. But today I'm happy. Gleeful. Stoked.
Woke up, went to abir to get some coffee. Finished Dave Eggers 'You Shall Know Our Velocity!' and finally found a glorious explanation for the book's title. Something I was English-majory interested in documenting, having thought it was just a sarcastic commentary on why everything in the book seemed to go so problematic. I was wrong. It was a wonderful way to throw in a title. Notice how I assume that he already knew the title and was thus working it in. Would Eggers do that? I do that. But it dealt with Chilean jumping people, and the weight of his and Hand's souls (yes, the co-lead character is named Hand. PICK UP THIS BOOK NOW. But first pick up A Hearbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, just because that's the way Eggers readership works I guess.) and bird worship. It was beautiful And the ending was just a confirmation that this book was perfect. And writing was perfect. And I too, was going to be a perfect writer. (in that i'm imperfect of course).
I walked home from divisadero, a walk I've done oh so many times happily because it's all victorian houses and downhill, and watching the five pass by and waving because I probably know someone on that damn bus and if I don't- someone will think I'm waving at them and spend the ride questioning if I was really waving at them. Did they know me from somewhere? Oh my god, am I the girl they slept with at a party last week? And for a moment, they feel loved and known. Because isn't all we want is just to bump into people we know? Constantly? I listened to Stevie Wonder and danced around, having had my morning coffee and a pleasant call to my dad and brother.
Then I got back, listened to some Chili Peppers with Eric, who is doing his laundry and waiting for his cousin to get here so he can go to the east bay and do more laundry. On the way home I found half a fake weed garland and this ornate, silver bracelet that is half broken but very dramatic. I then poured myself a huge glass of generic punch and wrote down a really good rant about emo kids and Chuck Palah-aunuchshk. And then I decided to write this blog. Hooray!
Must buy more books. And christmas presents! Lots of Christmas presents! Presents for everyone! I'll have the money for it too, once I get paid. It'll make up for the fact that I can't be home for christmas. Goodness! Sharing! AhahahahahHA! Life is beautiful! Don't ever let anyone tell you differently!
Dec. 11th, 2005 @ 01:01 pm
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